Sometimes I like to write and far too often I feel compelled to talk. Many times I want to bring hope, healing, encouragement and even exhortation. Lately I’ve had no desire to type a word or scribble an idea.
I want to sit in silence and avoid all the confusion and consternation that careless words could cause. I want to quietly ruminate, humbly pray and, in my worst moments, silently judge. I do. I want to pretend that all of the pain in the world has nothing to do with me. I want to shake my head at politicians, preachers and provocateurs. I want to do anything but deal with the hard reality that, in some way and at some unexpected moment, I am as guilty as anyone of pride, harshness, greed, bitterness, prejudice, unforgiveness, self-righteousness and any other deadly sin I claim to despise.
In my eerily still restlessness, I must realize that I am a sinner deeply in need of the Grace of Jesus. In the exhaustion, I must remember that I’ve been saved and empowered to bring healing to a broken and lost world. In the hopelessness, I must remind myself that there is only one true answer to all that ails us. His name is Jesus and he climbs into my silence to sit and comfort. He digs through the sinful pit I’ve dug myself to pull me out one more time. He raises me beyond my ability or deservedness to not only lift my voice in praise but lift my hands to reach for another and bring them to His strength, His calling, His freedom.
I don’t yet know what to do with the need for quiet or the call to speak, but I do know who to invite into these spaces. I’m calling for Jesus. He alone can sit with me in the silence. He alone can tell me what, when and how to speak. He alone knows the need of every hurting heart and the balm that will heal battered souls. I know that in the silence He will speak and amidst the noise He will beckon. I will call to Jesus. Jeremiah 33:3, Isaiah 65:24
Mary Anne Kent.
Yes, MaryAnne, those words resonant. Especially "I want to shake my head at politicians, preachers and provocateurs." Indeed, I am much too easily side tracked (side lined) by each of those. That last one is a particularly fitting word. What are they provoking me to? Nothing helpful. And so, I must work to avoid them, disregard them, let them go and recenter my focus on The One Worthy of my attention. What is He saying and am I responding to Him?